James Lehman, MSW, author of the Total Transformation program, asserts that children are unaware of how to solve problems. This leads them to act inappropriately. They use this faulty skill to force someone other than them to fix the problem. Using the hints in Total Transformation, a parent can teach their kiddos what they need to know in order to figure out how to solve their problems. These tools will encourage responsibility taking and accountability.

I am sharing 3 effective parenting tips that will help solidify the reality of how quickly and simply you can getting things at home back on track.

1. Make direct statements. Be straightfoward in telling the child what you want, be firm and clear, then walk away. Don’t be worried that you are seeming powerless here. You have placed the responsibility and accountability for his actions squarely on his shoulder and that is powerful!

2. Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they’re being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you’ll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we’ve started using and I can’t believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.

3. Theconsequences should be task-oriented and time-limited. Whenever you can, connect the consequences to the behavior. For example, “you can’t play outside until you clean your room”. It is important to note, you are unable to punish the child into acceptable behavior. Consequences should be short term, not a jail sentence.

Finally, be prepared for the long journey! They will develop these skills. But change and thankfullness don’t come at once. Blame will eventually become gratitude. Be patient!

P.S. The way your child talks or acts in response must not change the way you take care of the behavior. Consistent parenting will be the one underlying action that will make positive changes happen. So if you make a mistake, don’t let it derail you. One sure thing here, you will get another chance to get it right!